Few extracts from the Chapter – Ashram – Vrindhavan – Begging for peace and redemption. Hope you all enjoy this.
Extract From Pg 121-
After having the ultimate gluttony of yoghurt served in a clayoven
baked cup, I was amazed, and I was guilty, feeling aphrodisiac in
the land of god. Seriously, I was not kidding, I was helpless for feeling
such guilty pleasures. The smell of the rose-water syrup was invigorating,
it was actually tantalizing to every molecule in my body. I went
for a second helping, and it made me more refreshed each time I took
a sip. I wanted to go for a third helping, but I refrained from doing so
because I thought too much of everything was too little. When want
becomes necessity, it becomes an essential commodity. That was very
plain. Some things are best left as special!
The lanes of Bake Bihari were as narrow as the other lanes of
Vrindhavan, but these lanes were special. When you entered the lane,
on the left there were little shops selling flowers and sweets. On the
right, there were shops selling deity frocks and shops for paintings
and souvenirs. A few shops later on the left, there stood the ultimate
medieval temple of Bake Bihari.
Extract From Pg 123-
I felt terrible, and I tried to scold myself. I tried hard to pull
myself out of such negativity again. This time, I concentrated on giving
alms to the needy, who were sitting outside the temple. Such was
the poverty in the land of Lord Krishna that he wears diamonds in his
eyes and the old have to beg for two rupees. I was perturbed. I felt like
giving everything, and I had nothing. All I had was me and a bruised
soul, but if someone had asked for it that day, I would have given it.
If someone could be made happy with my bruised soul, then why not
have them take it? Take it all.
I felt that I was also a beggar. I came this far begging for redemption
and forgiveness, but no one was offering that to me. Everyone
was giving food and money. Could someone give this poor soul a
drop of forgiveness? I would bathe in it for years to come.
I’d felt nothing at Bihari jee, and the gates of heaven were slowly
closing on me. I felt conceited and ashamed.
I could not explain this to Maa, who was so happy for her spiritual
enlightenment every day.